rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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