omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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