And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
