He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
3pm strippers are depressing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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