It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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