I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
