i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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