i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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