My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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