I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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