Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
