Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
