oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's always time for handjobs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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