just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
