my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
