I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
