Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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