bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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