I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
