OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
