guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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