I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
