that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize