My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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