Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
