I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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