That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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