I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
