my mouth tastes like poor choices
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love having hate sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
