Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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