If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
