she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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