I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
