So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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