I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
