I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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