I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
