When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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