Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
