By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
