she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
