I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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