my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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