is your mom at the bar?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
