why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
