this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
