I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
