I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
