Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
