I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
