I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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