Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
