fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Couch. On fire.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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