I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize