my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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