Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
