I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
