I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
