I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
