when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
