Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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