Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
