You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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