I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
