I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
