I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
