I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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