are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
