i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
