and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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