Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I smell stomach acid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize