My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
