i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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