that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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