why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This toilet bowl is my home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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