I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
