I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
