Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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