ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
