Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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